My Dad

I miss him more than you know. The hurt of him being gone never goes away, even though I am happy that he is where he always wanted to be....singing with the angels and worshipping his Savior at the top of his lungs, I can PROMISE you. It is so funny, but I think about him at the most random times....when Charles answers the phone, it sounds just like my dad and I hear dad's voice...the other day, a sweet man at church, Donnie, came out the door whistling and I heard dad whistle...I see dads hugging on their daughters and I can feel dad hugging me...and I dream about him sometimes...I am thankful that God lets me get those little glimpses into the past....thankful that He helps me remember, because I never want to forget. I was always (and still am) so proud he was my dad. We were a pair...quite a pair...he understood me and I understood him, because we were *quite* alot alike (which means we often butted heads)...sometimes I feel like nobody really gets me, and the one person that could explain it, is gone....but, I cherish the time we had together. I am so thankful he let me see him the way he did...his raw emotion and his love for Jesus...I can remember him begging and pleading with me to understand what Jesus did for me...I can see his red, teary eyes and I believed him...was he perfect? absolutely not, but he was real in his failures and was quick to say what a work in progress his life was....I am thankful he took the time to love on me and tell me how important it was that I make my relationship with Jesus the absolute top priority. I will miss his singing and all of the crazy and bizarre stuff he would do to make us laugh...all his little sayings and quirks...most of all, and the part that I don't get more than anything, was why he didn't get to hang around long enough to meet my children...when we are in the midst of our crazy lives, sometimes I think about how much he would absolutely LOVE being right in the middle of it all...being around all of our kids...he would have been the greatest granddaddy ever...it just hurts my heart. But, I wouldn't wish him back here if I could because his death has taught me so much about God's faithfulness. His death has taught me even more about trusting the Lord, as ironic as that sounds...the most painful thing in my life, has turned out to be the most beneficial thing to me in my relationship with the Lord...mind boggling. He would not come back to this ol' earth if he could. The Lord alone knows the reasons that he couldn't stay and I am thankful that I have had my Savior to comfort me during these years....so, thinking of you today, dad, on what would have been your 64th birthday:)