A Thought for the New Year

Ok, prepare yourself, this is a long one, but hear me out..."Deep Thoughts by Jennifer" are few and far between:) So here goes....About two years ago or so, somehow, somewhere I heard about a woman that went a whole year without buying anything for herself....ludicrous, I know...no clothes, no shoes, no jewelry, etc. I thought, wow, that is CRAZY...how could you go a WHOLE year and not buy anything...and why would you want to??? Well, since I heard that story, it has kind of stuck with me and I have pondered the whole concept...could I do it, why would I do it...and lately, I have not been able to get it off of my mind...then, about 2 or 3 months ago, I stumbled onto a blog and this girl was in the middle of doing that very thing, so since then, it has been on my mind pretty heavy and I have been thinking and praying about it and I don't know why but I can't seem to shake it, so I am taking that as a green light. With the new year approaching, I thought---what better time....

We have SO much. My whole life I have thought--this is just life, this is just how it is...you want something, you need something, you go get it. You work hard, you make good choices, you live a good life, you DESERVE it. You don't have the right kind, you don't have the right brand, you don't have enough...you go get the newest, the latest, the best. You say YES to yourself to the point where you have no idea what it is like to tell yourself no. All of your friends have it, they are Christians, it isn't wrong to have these things. You want to look nice, to dress nice, you want to give the right impression, the right image. You want the right hair--maybe a new style, maybe a new color, some highlights...maybe that will make you feel better...the right makeup--your skin just isn't looking right, the color just all wrong, you need a change..... the right clothes..You want to feel good about yourself---don't you deserve that?, you don't want to feel frumpy, everything in your closet is just blah. You have only bought one new pair of shoes this season...YOU DESERVE IT....why is it that our clothes/hair/makeup determine what mood we are in or if we feel good about ourselves (that is a post for another day, I'm afraid), so, this is what our society pumps you full of and everything around you makes you believe it is perfectly normal and pretty much, if you don't become aware of just the total self absorption that you are flooded with, you will be full of YOU and you won't even have a clue. I know I sure didn't. Beth Moore's Daniel Bible study hits this nail on the head....

With all that God has been doing in my head and my heart the past few years, this has really been something I have been dealing with for a while and although this past year I have done better, I know I still have a long way to go. This summer in Ecuador was part of this process for me...to be around people that didn't have the choices that I have...and I guess I say that 'loosely'...more like, aren't as self absorbed as I am. People who are wearing the same (dirty, mismatched, ill-fitting) clothes day after day... who are wearing shoes with the heel cut out so that they can still wear them...whose hair their mom has cut short so that they don't get lice as easily because they don't get a bath very often. And these precious people are HAPPY...grinning ear to ear and full of love....And here I sit, having a bad day because I am feeling blah because I don't love my outfit...how disgustingly selfish and selfabsorbed....after that trip, I was appalled at my own self and my own thoughts. I remember the Sunday after I returned from Ecuador...getting up to get ready to go to church and walking into my closet and just crying. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed for having all those clothes in my closet. I couldn't even wear a dress that day...(and just typing that out sounds so shallow), but I couldn't dress up. It took me to a whole new place, Ecuador did-- and I am glad... I NEVER want to forget it, I never want to get back to the sickening selfish place that I was. The sad part is, I may not be as selfish and self absorbed as I was, but I still am SO selfish.

I think about my little Ecuadorian angels. I picture Joselyn's and Olga's sweet faces and they still bring tears to my eyes...



I pray God's hand of protection over them. They are not orphans (if they were, they would already me mine!!), maybe they have great families that love them, but are just unable to provide for their needs. They have families, but not stuff....then, I think about the ORPHANS. The 'least of these'....they do not have even their basic needs provided for AND they have no love and no family and no hope. My heart breaks. I prayed for many years, Lord, I want to know YOU....and this is the path that He is bringing me down. I am just starting and He has already shown me so much, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am open to what He has for me and for my family. And, yes, I am excited about 2010 and what He is going to show me this year. But, I have to say, this is going to be hard....Long story LONG [I always like to say!... it is usually never short:)] is, my goal this year is to buy nothing for myself...I want to be sensitive to needs. Me stretching through the year with what I already have should be no big deal, but why does it feel like a big deal. Why does that feel like such a huge task?? I have SO much, but the thought of going without buying something that I want makes my chest hurt...how ridiculous! Even as I am typing this, it makes me feel stressed. What if I see that shirt that is just to die for? I may never find it again....I make myself sick. And the sad thing is, the other day, as I was hashing out if I should really and could really do this, I really had the thought...well, I DO need some new "undergarments", so maybe I could just go get what I need and then, that should get me through the year...then, I thought, isn't that the point...my need and REAL need are 2 different things. If I think I am needing something now, then good, I am going to live with it..."suffer" through the year and that won't be even one bit close to what these orphans are going through, what they are facing. I want to identify with them and when I go to my closet and I hate all of the clothes in there and feel "bad" in the clothes I have I want it to snap me back to reality and to what is important. I want it to make me think of them, when I want to think about me...and that is WHY I am doing this...kind of a 'fast' of sorts...fasting from something that the world shoves in my face. But, I want to choose to say no. I want to practice saying no to myself because I am not all that good at it. I want my focus to be on others and I think this is one way to channel that focus. Yes, I could have done this and done it secretly and I contemplated that, but I am posting for several reasons...this has been one of my convictions and this train of thought is not going to be shared by everybody, I understand and that is ok:)--I am not writing this to say, oh look at what I am doing, but hopefully this will strike a chord in someone's heart like it was struck in mine. If it gets just one person thinking in a different way, then it is worth laying it out there, as ugly as it is. It's embarrassing to admit some things that go through my head, but if we are going to make a difference, we have got to get real...also, I like having and need accountability and I know my sweet friends will help me out in that department when I go through weak moments at Target:) (Now, with that being said, I DO reserve the right to buy any orphan/adoption/fundraising thirts, etc in support of friends adopting & our new orphan ministry:), but that is the only thing that I will let myself buy...I thought that one through and didn't want this to get legalistic! Plus, our new tshirts for Hearts of Compassion should be ready in the next month and I will definitely be supporting this ministry that we have worked SO hard to get started!!) So, that is where I am tonight and I will keep you posted on how that is going, because I must admit, I do love clothes and shoes for sure and it will be a welcomed challenge....


"But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. If you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it...Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:22-25, 27



Now, I think I can sleep...Goodnight!!