Tough

Well, lo and behold, yesterday I had my first emotional breakdown so far in the paperwork process. We are adopting from China and are bringing home a child with a minor special need of some sort. Don't know exactly what that need will be just yet. All along we have talked about different needs and have looked into them along the way as we have been preparing our paperwork. Well, the day came when the only outstanding piece of paperwork for our homestudy, was our medical special needs checklist. We found out Tuesday that our insurance would not be covering some things that we thought it would, so that left lots of questions and calls to be made to get to the bottom of some things and lots of research. In the meantime, our agency let us know that instead of a list coming out in March, in the 4-6 week pattern we were expecting, a list is anticipated to come out next week. It has not even been 3 weeks since the last list, which is crazy and surprising. Basically what this means for us is that we could possibly match very soon, although I am not expecting it. So, the past 2 days we have spent talking about needs non-stop and doing all of the research we can...which brought me to the 'breakdown'. I just never anticipated how emotional I would be filling out this thing. Right or wrong, I just felt bad and guilty for all of the needs that I couldn't mark yes on. Yes, my head knows we can't take every child and bring them home, but I sure do wish I could. As I was working on it and got so upset, I realized I was giving myself more power than I deserved and I was disregarding the sovereignty of my God. Who am I to think that a little checkmark made by me can limit, bind or surprise my God...we have prayed and asked that God would lead and guide us in and through this process, even in the checkmarks made on this page. So, I got a hold of myself, and finally came back to the truth & that is that God knows who our child is. If we do or don't mark a need --that is really irrelevant in the scheme of things...we have checked what we felt a peace about checking and God ultimately is in control. End of story. So, time will tell who that special little girl is that we have prayed so hard for and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HER PRECIOUS FACE....I am so thankful for this opportunity and I know God has some mighty things in store for our family.

Goodnight sweet friends...