A Heavy Heart

My stomach has been in a knot and my heart has been too for the past day....in fact, I woke up this morning with that yucky, dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach and a heavy heart. Before my feet hit the floor, I prayed that the Lord would just lead us and guide us to our child, that he would give us the ability to recognize it and the guts to take action!! I pray that I wouldn't get caught up on the things that I think are important, but that I would be open to hear what the Lord was speaking to me and to us. Most of all I have been praying that we would be unified in our decisions. I came across this verse a while back and it is my prayer... May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus,so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6. I believe we are getting close to making some big decisions, but I am scared. Mostly scared of just how human I am and my ability to interject myself into situations and screw things up!! But, praise God for His sovereignty!!!!

As I heard Lucy calling for me to get her up and headed for her room...as I was going through our morning routine of getting her up---> I slowly opened her door, bent down and made eye contact with her between the slats of her crib, then, big smiles, and we open our arms and I run over...and we bear hug--no words are spoken just excitment of seeing each other first thing in the morning...then, she says..."missed you too, mommy" in her precious little 3 year old Lucy-voice (she knows without one word that my actions mean I have greatly missed her).... at least 100 kisses and hugs follow and I am just breathing her in and telling her how much I love her.......all the time I am doing all of this, I am thinking about the kids who aren't being woken up with love and open arms....how some little ones in their cribs are waking up and crying and no one is rushing in, scooping them up and smothering them with love....they aren't calling out for that person that they know loves them more than life....they don't know what it feels like to be missed!!! My heart can't wait to get a hold of her after being away from her for the whole night and these kids have never experienced that. I am emotional about it all over again just typing it. There is nothing in the world like a child knowing the love of Jesus through the love of their parents...I know He has a child out there for our family and we are on a journey finding our way to them....