Nothing with any value comes easy....

marriage, raising children, relationships...those things most valuable come at the price of hard work, sacrifice and compromise. So goes ADOPTION....our pictures show the wonderful time that we had while in China, all of our new and different experiences and the fun and good memories that we made...what they did not show is the frustration of speaking different languages, the adjustments that come with change, the moments of being "on edge", the frustration of being out of routine and the difficulty of parenting differently than ever before and doing things you said you would never do (like having a kid in my bed)....that is what you don't see. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer, but just want to be honest...in fact, I think we have had it pretty stinking easy. That is the scary part. If we have had it so easy and I am as frustrated as I am....hmmm... Adoption is hard. But God calls us to do things that seem impossible. Things that only He can help us through. If He called us to easy things that we could accomplish on our own, what would be the point. I can say with confidence that He is faithful. He has proven himself personally to me time and time again. I know one day soon, I will look back and see how he lifted me and helped me through what feels like hard & frustrating times now...He is leading our family to a beautiful place--I know that. He gets all of the glory for this journey we are on...he has already done the impossible over and over and over in this one situation alone...

Today has been a challenge...the 2 biggest challenges are 1. that the girls are starting to fight...Lucy wants Alice to be her baby doll and Alice is tired of it...they have hit and kicked and punched and fought for my lap today and talked ugly to each other in English and and Chinese...it isn't funny anymore or even cute...Lucy is super sensitive and emotional and is starting to act out unless Alice does exactly what she wants. I want to be fair, but they are both going through so much. Lucys world has been rocked to say the least. She has been ripping my heart out just watching her struggle. She loves Alice SO much. She is so kind to her. I think it has been hard for her to process all of her emotion & her feelings get hurt easily....so, today she has resorted to hitting and stuff...Alice has jetlag and her days and nights are scrambled-not to mention she has been snatched from everything and everyone she has ever known and from all that is familiar. She is with a family now, but they look, smell, sound and act completely different than anyone she has ever known. She has to adjust to new foods, new personalities and after living in the orphanage all of her life, in a few weeks she has been to a dozen new restaurants, Disneyland, the zoo, botanical gardens and has had 2000 pictures taken of her...she has gone from never riding in a car at all to riding in vans, taxis, planes and trains...then she was traumatized on a series of planes for over 24 hours and she wasn't allowed to get up hardly and slept only 2 hours of 30. Then, she got off the plane to a bazillion white faces all staring at her and oohing and ahhing...for her, I am sure it was quite weird, although for me it was heaven...Add in a grouchy mama and smothering brothers and sister and you've got yourself a good dose of frustration for all parties involved. Moving on.....
2. I have never had kids in my bed...on purpose. If you know me, you know how I feel about it...no judgement for those who do things differently....just what we have chosen for us....We have always had our kids in their own beds from the time they were weeks old...they like it and we like it and it works. Bedtime is easy and everyone sleeps all night. All my kids are super snuggly and loving, but they like their own beds...I think it is good for me and Charles and for them. I have had a hard time with Alice because, even though she did good a few nights in her crib in the hotel ( I think she was just scared and in shock)...there were several nights where there wasn't a bed for her and we all had to sleep together...not ideal, but that was just how it was. She is freaked out with the dark and if she can't see me she has a come apart and honestly, I have just been praying for wisdom. I don't want to further traumatize her in any way as I have no idea what discipline or trauma she has had, but I also need to be able to function so that I can be a nice mama. When she is in my bed I cannot sleep...she wants to lay on my face....not good. Sweet with the arm around my neck, but I am so sleepy and I need to stretch out just a tad. I know that we have to get through this first period of her jet lag and transition, and just letting her know I am here and not going anywhere & I am going to do whatever it takes to make her know that, but some moments I think I might not make it...lol. At the orphanage, they said she had always slept by herself in her own crib....how they kept her in it, I don't know because everytime we put her in her crib here, (and it is huge compared to her little bed she had) she is out in about 2 seconds flat and absolutely terrified and ballistic...out of her mind, crazy....she hates the dark and freaks out even in the daytime, if a light is out and she thinks you want her to go in. So, basically, not exactly sure what to do with that situation, so that is why I am just praying. Praying for wisdom for how to parent her....overall, things are fine...she is adjusting beautifully...she is smart and loving and very affectionate and has a big, strong personality...basically, she fits in perfectly...we've just got to adjust as a family. She gives hugs and kisses freely and calls "mom-may" when she is looking for me or needs something....she is always grinning and giggling in her very unique little laugh...she is a very happy little girl!!!! I am blessed for sure.....Enter an almost 3 year old into any situation and there's going to be some shake up...just trying to stay grounded and keep focused and be honest for those who may come after me. Thanks for all of the prayers...keep them coming...I have a feeling this journey is just getting started...:) Night night...oops wait, it is only 6:00....